Digital Mapping Laboratory Door Labels
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These are some of the door labels that have appeared at the entrance to
the MAPSLab's main laboratory and machine room at various times over
the years.
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Door labels?
We don't need no stinking door labels!
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``I would have no problem making the meeting
because I'm always in the MAPSLab at that time
anyway'' -- anon
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The only room on campus without an Andrew outlet
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The lab with more door labels than Daves
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Limited hallucinations is a valid alternative
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Official DMA Proposal Mode (ODPM)
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Where the ball is always in YOUR court
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COBOL -- it's not just for business anymore
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A place where people like SPAM
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``Where Wookies live next door''
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Artificial Brilliance at Work
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Once we were confused.
But now we just don't know
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The lab that, on a map, appears much
smaller than it really is
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``Home of the Needle Maps''
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Men who steer INTO the skid
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The world is our volleyball!
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The perfect combination for sleepy intellectuals
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The Morton Downey Jr. of SCS
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Die grinnell hogging scum!
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Don't let the silence fool you,
we're joking around telepathically
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The workplace of the reigning MAPSLab hoops
prognostication champion
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``Take your time getting settled in,
the work isn't gonna go away''
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We'd rather be Power-Louging than plunging
into a sea of pseudomercury nanomachines
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Warning Unstable Ground
Combat Zone
The U.S. State Department has
posted a travel advisory for this region
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We can do better than this
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Wait a minute -- is that FISH I smell?
in a MICROWAVE!
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Go ahead. Work all you want. We'll make more!
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Top 10 Accidentally overheard comments at the MAPSLab
10. It's all part of my plan to take over the world
9. Sure this 440V line is dead. Here, I'll prove it.
8. No, I don't think ARPA knows about the gun-running.
7. Actually, I prefer microVaxes.
6. It's not a frame buffer. It's an alien mind control
device.
5. If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.
4. Would you like fries with that?
3. Dare you to pull the big switch in the corner.
2. Three day old pizza has a surprising amount of taste.
and the number one comment:
1. Okay, I've got the dynamite. Let's blast out a window.
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Top 10 Reasons to get Dave a Cellular Phone
10. Who needs SIMNET. We've got DAVENET.
9. Fun crank calls to local PGH pizza places while on
route to Washington.
8. Fits nicely in "hardware" budget.
7. Can "reach out and touch" local barbecue establishment
in any city at moments notice.
6. All the cool Principal Investigators have 'em.
5. They probably don't cause brain cancer, anyway.
4. Motorola needs the business.
3. Jim Skees has one.
2. Yeah, sure I'm at work, George.
and the number one reason:
1. 1-900-HOT-DAVE
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The lab so cold that even O.J. would wear his hat and gloves.
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It's not work if you like it.
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Power comes through the barrel of a gun.
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MAPS is dead. Long live MAPS.
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A congenital and interesting research environment.
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Where sometimes Tuesday is doughnut day,
for very small values of some
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Top 10 runner-up MAPSLab door labels
10. I'm whipped by Phillip Pelusi
9. Hey, Jeff, say something else stupid
8. What's a trout dog?
7. Two words: Butterfly network.
6. What would Brian Boitano do?
5. Why am I in the you suck column?
4. Where the most beautiful legs in the world wear Silkies
3. That's why he's a PhD. they don't just give 'em out.
2. We don't have lunch meetings. We have snack meetings.
and the number one runner-up MapsLab door label...
1. "Is there a penalty if you grab my rod?"
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100%
Pure
MAPSLab
from
Concentrate
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The MAPSLab:
We killed Kenny.
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The MAPSLab:
This Doorlabel has been censored.
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Digital Mapping Lab.
(This space intentionally left blank)
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The MAPSLab:
The problem is you suck.
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MAPSLab: a congenital and interesting
research environment.
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The MAPSLab:
Our Weeblestm
fall down.
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The MAPSLab:
Interns Wanted.
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The MAPSLab:
We're out of toner.
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The MAPSLab:
We lost our scissors.
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Nate Segerlind
and the Pussycats.
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The MAPSLab:
We ski into trees and survive.
(We found our scissors.)
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The MAPSLab:
We do undergrads.
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Welcome to The MAPSLab Daycare Center.
We have Sea Monkeys!
And bouncy rubber balls. And Foosballs.
And
Wiffle balls. And soccer balls.
We have a lot of balls.
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The MAPSLab
WANTED
$10,000 reward
Schroedinger's Cat
Dead or Alive
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The MAPSLab:
Our balls glow in the dark.
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The MAPSLab:
We're a complicated Lab.
No one understands us,
but our women.
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The MAPSLab:
We voted for Buchanan.
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The MAPSLab:
We're disappointed in you.
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The MAPSLab:
We have the answers to the
questions you don't know.
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The MAPSLab:
We don't grab your groin when we're mad.
But we might spit on you.
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The MAPSLab:
Dweezil, come home.
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The MAPSLab:
Please wear your radiation badges
at all times. Thank you.
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The MAPSLab: years of hard work have gone into every one of our
deliverables.
You use them for about four minutes.
You bastard.
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Where "Sticking metal things in plugs" can't be good.
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Love is a burning thing,
And it makes a fire ring.
Bound by wild desire,
I fell into a ring of fire.
Went down down down and the flames went higher,
And it burns burns burns, the ring of fire.
The ring of fire.
The taste of love is sweet,
When hearts like ours meet.
I fell for you like a child.
Oh, but the fire went wild.
I fell into a burning ring of fire.
Went down down down and the flames went higher,
And it burns burns burns, the fing of fire.
The ring of fire.
I fell into a burning ring of fire.
Went down down down and the flames went higher.
and it burns burns burns, the ring of fire.
The ring of fire.
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The MAPSLab:
Marital Aide Phor Students.
" Home of the ' Butt-Jocktm ' "
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The MAPSLab:
We need a new doorlabel.
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THE DIGITAL UNDERGROUND
Wilson "Humpty Hump" Harvey
Ted "Chopmaster" Bulwinkle
Michael "Shock-G" Polis
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FBI LIASONS OFFICE
Special Agent Harvey
Agent Bulwinkle
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DARPA LIASONS OFFICE
Colonel Harvey
Lt. Colonel Bulwinkle
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MEN IN BLACK
Agent 'H' (aka Wilson Harvey)
Agent 'B' (aka Ted Bulwinkle)
Agent 'C' (aka Johnny Cash)
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THE HOLLOW MEN
Wilson Harvey
Ted Bulwinkle
T.S. Eliot
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WILSON STREET GRILL
Proprietor: Wilson Harvey
Master Chef: Ted Bulwinkle
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The MAPSLab:
(We cork our keyboards)
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The MAPSLab:
We're defecting to the ACC.
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Dan Yocum – Veggie Spice
Wilson Harvey – Emanon Spice
Jeff Shufelt – Dr. Spice
Ted Bulwinkle – Doorque Spice
Dave McKeown – Olde Spice
Steve Ford – Moondog Spice
Steve Cochran – Spice Spice
Mike Polis – TerraSpice
Chris McGlone – Hillbilly Spice
Jeff McMahill – Morning Spice
MAPSters Emeriti:
Aaron Wald – Java Java Java Spice
Mike Bowling – Idl_Spice
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Welcome to The MAPSLab.
Please register with our receptionist,
Dr. Shufelt, in 3124 before entering.
Thank you.
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maps+webmaster@cs.cmu.edu